An Open Letter to Whomever is Reading This Right Now
There’s something pure about having only one “like” to keep track of on my Official Facebook page for Entire Thoughts. All the graphs and insights are quite simple and easy to follow visually, which is great.
Plus I’m able to conduct very effective targeted marketing campaigns, because I can tailor them directly to the one person who has liked my page. For instance:
Hey Gary, thanks for liking my page. How’s your ankle feeling? Better I hope. I also hope you don’t mind that I spent an entire night going through your Facebook history to learn everything about you — in a non-creepy way of course — so that I can get to know the person behind the “likes,” get to know the real Gary. Anyway, I went and posted something again. Check it out if you’re not too busy.
Since you’re the only one who ever visits my site or likes my stuff on Facebook, it’s pretty obvious to me when you don’t do it. And I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, but I AM trying to get this website off the ground and, well, I’m counting on you buddy. Is this sounding desperate? Because I don’t want you taking it that way. I mean, I’m very happy with how this whole website thing is going so far.
It’s, well…you know those giant redwood trees in northern California? They didn’t just, like, show up overnight. A long time ago someone probably came and watered them every day, and sang to them, and pet their little branches — encouraged them to keep on growing big and strong. I’m like one of those baby trees right now, Gary, and I’m depending on you to water me, sing to me, and y’know, pet me (metaphorically of course). I guess what I’m saying is, I know you have your own life to worry about, but your unwavering support is NOT going unnoticed.
I mean, I think you’re pretty much the best fan ever, Gary. And I know you are going to look at my new stuff if you have time — and if that poor ankle is feeling better. Right? Great! Thanks, I love you, buh bye.
See, I’m obviously very happy with the status quo. I’m really enjoying having my one fan. And I’m not looking for crazy growth or anything. But I do want to feel like I’m making progress, like things are trending up.
That’s where you come into play. Might you be the very person to increase my Facebook likes by 100%?
I know it’s a big commitment. Liking my page isn’t a decision I expect you to take lightly. Feel free to message me and ask any questions you may have. We can interview each other and make sure that you liking my Facebook page is the right decision — for both of us.
I read somewhere that writing down your goals and putting them into the world helps make them real. So I’m declaring it right here and now: I want 2 Facebook “likes” by 2019!!!!!!
Wow, it’s cathartic to get that out there.
Anyway, the clock’s ticking everyone. I have 320 days left to reach my goal and make this particular dream come true.
Feel free to share with friends, family, co-workers, pets, strangers, local news stations and/or anyone else with Facebook and access to the Internet.
And remember: Set your sights high; if you miss you’ll land on the moon. And you could probably even dunk a basketball up there. Lower gravity and all.
***UPDATE – 4/14/2018: We did it, Internet! I’ve reached (and exceeded) my goal; the exponential growth has been breathtaking. The Entire Thoughts Facebook page now has — *drumroll* — 4 likes.