My Website Threw a Tantrum the Other Day and I’m Finally Ready to Talk About It

Earliest Days

This website — my website — is still very young.  Really, it’s just a baby (OMG thanks for asking; it’ll be seven weeks this Saturday).

And even though it hasn’t accomplished much yet, I’m wicked fahhkin’ proud of it, kid. (Sorry, I switch to a bad Boston accent when I’m excited, ya bastids.)

But I’m not special.  Like any brand new website parent, I’m learning as I go.  There’s the mood swings, the sleep deprivation, the constant self-doubt.  The endless wondering: Am I doing everything right?  How do I take care of this thing and keep it safe?  What’s the right amount of attention to give my new website without turning into an overbearing helicopter parent?

Then I think longer-term: How do I make sure it develops into a healthy, well-adjusted website capable of surviving in the digital world?

I mean, I want the best for my little website.  I want it to eventually make lots of website friends, get into a good website college, pursue its website dreams, and maybe even marry another stable, successful website one day.  Isn’t that what we all want for our websites?

Tempers Ran High

Yet amidst all of this, my website went and threw a big ol’ fuckin’ tantrum recently — that little shit.  Multiple people contacted me to let me know that it was exhibiting bad behavior.  Namely, people were trying to comment on a post and they were ALL being “blocked as suspected bots.”  WTF?

This led to some serious self-reflection and me sharing my feelings directly with my nascent website.  I never raised my voice, but I did firmly convey that, at this point, the main thing I want from it is to provide a venue for my writing, get feedback, and perhaps start a conversation with whoever may happen to be reading it.  And this takes, y’know, a WORKING comments section!

So it didn’t feel very good to then find out that my website had turned into a little Joseph McCarthy, aggressively pointing fingers at people and accusing them all of being Communists.  In a fit of unjustified rage, it lashed out, turned people away, and erroneously blacklisted them as “suspected bots,” thereby rendering all potential commenting impossible.

Crisis Averted (For Now)

We had a heart-to-heart and I said in no uncertain terms: I’m very disappointed in you website.  That’s not how you make friends, ya jerk-face.

Luckily, I took to google and typed in “young website behaving badly.”  I quickly found information on how to handle this type of unruly outburst.

I also happen to be very close pals with Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Sergey Brin.  So, we all met up for a game of racquetball and I ran it by them.  In the sauna after our game, we put our heads together to figure out how to get the comments section functioning properly again.  Eventually it was Elon that cracked the code and got this baby back on track (but thanks for trying Bill, Jeff, and Sergey).

I’m sure this was only the first of many issues that I’ll have to face as my website grows up.  But I appreciate all of your patience and support during this difficult time.  It means a lot.

As they say, it takes a village.